What doesn't kill me makes me stronger,right?

Well, well. Yesterday, I had an hour long conversation with my spiritual companion (a Sister that will be there for me and help guide me through my spiritual experience but often times does much much more than that=)) Sister Eunice. Talking to her or pretty much venting to her was such a relief. I have been in a constant struggle with myself between what I like about being here and what I don't. Before coming to Puerto Rico and beginning my volunteer services I pictured myself adjusting perfectly, getting along with everyone and developing my own little schedule. Now that I've been here for a month it's hard to realize I am far from that. Something so simple as "time", has been one of my biggest challenges. For the past four years my life has revolved around class schedules, work schedules, appointments, meetings, leisure, and nap times. Now that I am here, I don't really have any of that. I begin work around 7:30 am (which here it can mean anytime from 7:20-7:40 a.m.) and get out around 2:30 p.m. but thats about it. Being such a J (Judging based on the Myers-Briggs personality indicator) that I am, I love checking off things from my "To Do" list, and not having one has been hard to get use to.
     I know it's a challenge for me, but I am trying really hard to see it as an opportunity. I forgot what being spontaneous was like. I love knowing what my schedule looks like for the next two weeks or so, and this just seems weird. I am kind of jealous that some people here are so relaxed about time and I can't be that way. But to be quite honest, I don't want to be that way so its hard to adjust and I constantly need to remind my self that this is their culture and their way of living and I shouldn't try to change it. I just need to "adjust". Then my other struggle is that I don't always like it here. I thought I was going to fall in love with this place but I'm really not. And I'm sure that's normal and it doesn't make me a bad person or anything but acknowledging that I would not like to live in this place for more than I need to, is a sad realization for me. It's really hard for me to say that out loud. I don't know why but I feel bad saying that.  Then again, its only been a month, 8 more to go, and lots can happen. Maybe I'll look back to this blog and laugh because I ended up loving this place and its unique culture or maybe I'll look back amazed that I knew since month one that I didn't like it. I just get frustrated at times.
     But talking to Sister Eunice and telling her all of this and hearing myself say this out loud (I usually only think about these things, specially when I'm running) made me feel better. Thanks Sister Eunice, and everyone else who is so supportive and always motivate me. Also, to everyone who reads this blog; thanks for taking the time. So with this said, what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.